Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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