I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
