I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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