I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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