If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
