I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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