I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
