you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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