And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
