someone threw a dead crab at me
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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