Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize