Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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