So drunk its hurt
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
