I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
