Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
