I heard we made out
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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