I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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