just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You can't special order awesome
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I stole a fireplace last night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize