Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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