and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
