she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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