why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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