just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's always time for handjobs
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
