We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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