Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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