Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Too much gin, very little bucket
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
