he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
