Your tits are I can't wait for
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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