After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
can u get pink eye on your cock?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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