I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
