Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
