you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
