Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
