i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
