Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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