Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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