hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
