I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
