Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The Olympian is in my bed
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize