There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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