It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
