i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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