I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize