So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
