I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
