"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
we're so committed to being not committed
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
