You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i out mim tonsoeep
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