I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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