oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
