sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize