I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
