Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
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