You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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