he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
