I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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