dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
