Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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