I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
