Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
