No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Life is so much better after having sex.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
