Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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