my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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