8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize