Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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