I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
