You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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