your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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