umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
