There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
