just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
