Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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