My room smells like vodka and shame
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
