Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
