ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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