I hate your face
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
well you can't waste a boner
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize