So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
