margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
