you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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