there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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