I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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