Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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