Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
