Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize