i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
