Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
