i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
