they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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