I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
