i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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