I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
