Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
