I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
