At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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