Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
