her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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