Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
