rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
