You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
