Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Found the puke drawer
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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