My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
